His Holiday Gift Page 3

  Putting the cup down on the counter I walked over to where I’d sat her and took her face in my hands. “I want you to listen to me; whatever has been going on in your life that’s making you this sad, it’s over. I will take care of you from now on, so stop crying for me okay, it’s breaking my heart.”

  “I can’t help it,” her voice broke as she clutched my sweater, “I can’t believe you’re really here after all this time, it doesn’t seem real. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and you’ll be gone again.”

  Instead of reassuring her with mere words, I lifted my sweater and taking her still cold hand in mine, placed it over the place where my heart beat. “Feel that? That’s real baby. Do you feel how crazy it is? That’s because of you; to hell with it.”

  She’d been staring up at me while I spoke, her eyes bright with tears, her cheeks finally getting some color back and in that moment it was as though the years had melted away.

  I kissed her softly at first, just a brush of my lips across hers, but when she didn’t pull away but instead tightened her grip on my sweater with one hand and dug the nails of the other into my chest, I went back for more.

  I know it’s not possible, but then again nothing about this was supposed to be possible, but she tasted the same, like blueberry bubblegum and sunshine.

  How had I kept this all hidden all these years, even from myself? All the love that now beat in me for her, like it had never been interrupted.

  I had to let her up for air, but I kept my arms around her. “I’m gonna go finish making your snack, take it easy on me okay, no more tears, my heart can’t take it. I promise you that everything is going to be okay.”

  I squeezed her, kissed her hair and went back to what I was doing just as the teakettle whistled. I sat across from her after placing the plate with her sandwich in front of her and the piping hot cup of chocolate.

  She picked at the edges of her sandwich until I picked it up and held it for her. “Go ahead baby, eat.” I got her to eat a whole one before she complained that she was too full to eat the other two that I’d made.

  I wolfed one down before picking her up and heading back to the living room and the fire. Sitting on the couch, I kept her on my lap all nice and cozy.

  “Are you ready to tell me now, about why you’re here, what happened to you? Why weren’t you in that little town you told me about?”

  She lifted her head from my chest where she was listening to my heartbeat. “You went there?”

  “No, I hired someone to find you, but no one seemed to know anything about you or your family.” She bit her lip and tried to get off my lap, but I held on to her.

  “You’re not going anywhere.” She looked at me with such sadness in her eyes I thought for sure my heart would break.

  “I don’t know if I can tell you.”

  “Why?” what the hell had happened?

  “I remember your family, how posh they were. I didn’t get it when we were kids, how very different we were. Didn’t understand that last summer when my dad made such a big deal about catching us together.

  I didn’t understand all those things he said when he dragged me back home. It didn’t make sense to my innocent heart, that I couldn’t have you because we were so very different.

  It’s only when I grew up that I finally got it. Back then all I knew was what I felt when I was with you, and it didn’t matter what anyone said, I knew it was real.

  But none of that mattered to my dad. He said that your parents would never allow you to be with me, that all I could ever hope for was to be used by you.

  I didn’t understand any of it, and then it was too late and you were gone and…” She started to shake and it broke my heart.

  “I’m sorry, I couldn’t so anything baby, it was all my fault, if I hadn’t kissed you that day beside the stream.”

  “But you didn’t, I’m the one who kissed you.”

  “No baby, you have it all wrong, it was me, I remember.”

  “Well I think we’re both remembering the same thing, I know I was the one who kissed you, because I’ve spent all these years feeling guilty for what happened.”

  It’s strange that she should say that, because for the first few months after we’d been apart, I blamed myself. I do remember being the one to turn to her, holding her face and kissing her.

  Maybe she’d wanted my mouth on hers, but it was I who had done the deed. It didn’t matter now anyway, all that I cared about was where we were going from here, and I know exactly where I want that to be.

  “Baby, why are you here?” She cuddled closer and pulled my arms tighter around her.

  “I’ve come here every year at Xmas since my eighteenth birthday. Sometimes I had a hard time getting here, but no matter what, I made it here.

  This was going to be my last time though, I was giving up after this.”

  “But I don’t understand, why were you coming in the winter and not the summer which is when we use to see each other?”

  “You know I never understood that either. In the summer I would relive the days we spent together, but I never felt the need to be here.

  But at the holidays, it was almost as if I would die if I didn’t come here. It made me feel closer to you somehow, and I hated being alone for Xmas. And now I can’t believe that you’re here.”

  “And why was this going to be your last year?” She took some time to answer and when she did, had she not been sitting there on my lap where I could see and feel her, my blood would’ve run cold.

  “I decided that I should try to get on with my life, that whatever this weird connection I felt for you was nothing more than wishful thinking on my part. So I was going to put you out of my mind once and for all and…”

  “Where’s your family, how come you’ve been coming up here alone instead of being with them?”

  “They’re gone. Mom and dad died in a car crash the year after that summer.”

  I felt sick, and angry at the same time. She’d been alone? But she was so small, so, I don’t know. Even though I knew she was only two years younger than I, she seemed so much younger.

  “Where did you go?” I was almost afraid to ask. I knew her life hadn’t been easy, it was plain to see in her clothes and the old clinker she’d crashed.

  It hurt me that she’d been living like this while I had three vehicles that sat mostly idle in my garage.

  “I went from foster home to foster home until I aged out of the system. I was never very happy or comfortable in any of them. I think I had the reputation of a problem child because I kept getting moved around.

  I’d been in the car that day and something went wrong in my head. I didn’t talk for months after, and it took a while for me to remember how to do certain things.

  The doctors said there was nothing wrong with me physically, that I’d just shut down mentally.

  Eventually it all came back, but by then it was too late. I was flunking out of school where before I was an Honor student. After that I couldn’t seem to get back on track.

  All I had to hold onto were memories of those summers we spent together. They became more in my head somehow. Like meeting you, knowing you, was the defining moment in my life.

  When I turned eighteen and no one seemed to care one way or the other, that’s when I really started focusing on finding you. But I didn’t really have much to go on, just this place.

  Looking back on it now, I took a stupid risk. There was no guarantee that you would even remember who I was. And even now, seeing you, touching you, it doesn’t seem real.

  After everything that I’ve been through I no longer expect my life to have a happily ever after.”

  I had to stop her there, couldn’t let her go on, because one thing became very clear to me in that moment. “No matter what it takes, I will make sure that you get your happily ever after.”

  Chapter 10

  She seemed tired after that, so instead of pushing her to tell me more, I just held her in my arms there on t
hat couch, as we both stared into the dancing flames, lost in thought.

  She took a couple deep sighs and snuggled closer, it was the first time in my life that just the nearness of someone dear had such an effect on me.

  My heart actually felt full, like no matter what came next, I knew life was going to be just fine. “Are you warm enough sweetheart?”

  She nodded against my chest, but I moved us around so that her legs were between mine and I was literally wrapped around her. I couldn’t forget that she’d just been in an accident out in the cold.

  Speaking of which, I need to call someone to come tow her car, but I figure since it wasn’t in the way I could wait until morning.

  “Baby do you have anything out in your car that you need for tonight?” She stiffened against me and I didn’t understand what about my question could’ve caused such a reaction.

  “I’ll get it.” She tried moving away from me but I held her still before sitting her away from me so I could stand.

  “Don’t be silly, I’ll get your bag and be right back.”

  “Wait…”

  “I won’t be but a minute baby.” I kissed her forehead before heading back out in the snow, which was now coming down even harder.

  Her piece of junk was even worst than I’d first thought on closer inspection, and now that there was no longer any fear of someone being seriously injured inside, I noticed other things as well.

  Like the fact that the trunk was held closed with rope, and the tires were worn down, which was a real danger on a night like this; but the thing that pierced me to my very soul when I opened the backdoor for the second time that night, was the story it told.

  There was a blanket and a pillow back there. Bags were neatly stacked on one side, with what looked like clothing falling out of them. There was a sickening feeling starting to develop in the pit of my gut.

  I left the backseat and wrestled with the rope on the trunk, and my suspicions were confirmed. I looked back at the chalet with my heart torn and battered as it fell to my feet.

  I’m not a crying man, I don’t remember crying for myself since I was about four. There were a few shed the day we were torn apart, but since then I’ve never let emotion overcome me.

  Standing there in the waning light, with snow hitting me from all angles, I felt the burn of tears that seemed to start in my heart.

  Returning to the backseat, I grabbed the bags that she kept back there, while stifling the urge to hit something. Who could I blame for this? No one, there was no one to blame, no one but my own inadequacies and myself.

  Back in the warmth of the house I dropped the plastic bags with her stuff and looked at her. She refused to look at me, choosing instead to keep her head down as she plucked at the blanket that covered her from head to toe.

  “Were you living in that car?” There was anger in my voice, misdirected to be sure, but right now I was angry at her, at myself, and most of all at the situation.

  “Answer me.” I walked over and lifted her chin so I could look into her eyes. So much sadness and hurt; just what hell had she endured all these years?

  Her nod was barely noticeable but I felt and saw it all the same. “Why baby?” When she bit her lip and looked away in shame, I thought I would howl until the feeling of helplessness left me.

  “Tell me baby I need to know.” She told me the story about losing her job and not being able to find anything else, which soon led to losing her apartment.

  She had no friends because those foster homes she’d been moved to weren’t in her old hometown. No wonder my guy couldn’t find anything on her or her family.

  I listened to her story, kneeling at her feet, her hands held tightly in mine. When she slowed to collect her thoughts I let her take her time until she was ready to continue, without any prompting from me.

  By the time she was through, my heart was at her feet, what was left of it. “What’s in those bags, anything of importance?”

  I wanted to pack them all back in the car and set the whole thing on fire. “Just some clothes and toiletries. I have my important papers and stuff in there as well.”

  She got up off the couch and went over to paw through them. The socks she pulled out had holes and that was the last straw.

  Without saying a word, I went up to my room and got the bag with the stuff I’d brought for her, things I’d bought in the hopes of finding her. I also stopped long enough to grab a pair of my own socks.

  Downstairs I placed the bag with her goodies on the floor next to the couch, before taking her feet in my hands and removing the socks that had seen way better days.

  My socks dwarfed her little feet, but there were no holes and these were warm. Mom had bought them, so I was sure that they would do their job.

  She didn’t say anything as I tended her, just watched me out of those magnificent eyes of hers. Digging through the overnight bag full to the brim with wrapped gifts, I brought them out one by one and placed them on her lap and on the seat next to her.

  “What’s all this?”

  “Merry Xmas baby. Open them.” She didn’t seem sure of what to do, so I put her hands on the neatly tied bow and helped her.

  It wasn’t enough. I’d bought things with the young girl I remembered in mind. Things that I knew my sisters thought were necessities.

  “As soon as the stores open day after tomorrow we’re going shopping. I’m sorry I didn’t get more.”

  “What are you talking about Julian? I didn’t come looking for you so you could feel sorry for me…” I held up my hand to cut her off and to give myself time to form the right words.

  “Christina, the last time we met we were kids, I don’t know what or how much you remember about the boy I was, but let me assure you that the man doesn’t play games.

  I listened to your life story and whether you like it or not, I do feel sorry for you, for all that you had to endure alone.

  How else am I supposed to feel when I hear you talk of living in such deplorable conditions while my life was all that was good? Am I not supposed to feel?

  “I don’t want your pity.”

  “Don’t be stupid.” How could I have forgotten her stubbornness? I only remembered the sweet natured girl who followed my lead, but there was another side to my Christina. Too bad for her, just as with back then I got my way, I wasn’t planning on that changing now, especially not about something as important as this.

  “Now open your gifts and no more arguing.” I’d bought her some cashmere sweaters that I thought were cute, but mostly there was jewelry and perfume in the boxes.

  I had no idea I would find her in this condition or I would’ve done more. Maybe it was a good thing that I didn’t know what I would find, because I would no doubt have lost my mind.

  She rubbed the softness of one of the sweaters against her cheek as she closed her eyes, and in that moment, no matter what I’d felt or believed I’d felt in the past, it all paled in comparison to what went through me then.

  Then it hit me, like someone had ripped away the veil. “You’re really here.” What the fuck was I doing? She was here, and she was whole and nothing was ever going to separate us again. Nothing else mattered, none of it.

  She probably thought I had lost my mind when I picked her up and twirled her around in my arms in front of the fire.

  When she threw her head back and laughed, that sweet tinkering sound I remembered, I fell in love all over again, all the way sunk. I covered her lips in mid-laugh and took her sigh of contentment into myself.

  Chapter 11

  We talked and talked deep into the night, about old times, over cups of hot chocolate. It was great to see that life’s hard knocks hadn’t changed her too much. She still had that same beautiful spirit that I had been remembering here of late.

  “Tell me sweetheart, what is it that you want to do with the rest of your life?” We were lying on the couch with yet another blanket wrapped around both of us like a cocoon.

  She was nice and w
arm and didn’t seem to be having any nasty side affects from the bump on her head, which is why I’d been keeping her up this long. I needed to be sure that there was no concussion.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just what I said.” I looked down into eyes that in the last few hours had lost some of the shadows, onto lips that were just a little swollen from the amorous kisses we’d been sharing all night.

  “If you could do anything in the world, what would it be sweetheart?” She turned around again with her back to my chest as I held her close.

  “I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it before, not really.”

  “You must’ve dreamed, come on tell me, what’s the one thing your heart has always wanted?” She held me that much closer and I nuzzled her before her answer came.

  “You.” The word came out so soft that I barely caught it, but I did.

  It took me a minute to get the lump out of my throat, but that didn’t stop me from squeezing her half to death. She had no idea that her answer had just gained her a lifetime of everything I had to give.

  I didn’t tell her that though; better to just show her. “You humble me sweetheart.” My Xmas gift, that’s what she was. I’m almost tempted to keep us both locked away here away from the outside world, so that nothing could intrude on our happiness.

  “Well, now you’ve got me and I’ve got you, and guess what? I’m never letting you go, not ever.”

  Before she could say anything to my bold declaration, I covered her mouth with mine again. My body wanted her, but it was too soon, wasn’t it? My heart and my body said it wasn’t, but my head said I had to start over at the beginning.

  There was so much more that I wanted to share with her, that I was finding it hard to pace myself. Even as we sat there quietly, getting to know each other again, my mind was going in ten different directions at once.