Fervor Read online

  "Okay Tiffany, it's okay." I held her close and comforted her the best I could while watching the rest of my family including her husband Derrick coming down the steps. She pulled back in my arms shaking her head while drying her tears. She opened her mouth as if to speak but then just shook her head and squeezed me as tight as her little arms could. I kissed the top of her head and passed her off to Derrick as my mother took her place.

  "Welcome home son, it's all going to be fine now, come on inside." My dad patted my back as I passed him, Brian was surprisingly quiet which I don't think I had ever seen, Connie had red-rimmed eyes as she reached over to kiss my cheek. I heard feet scrambling on the marble floors as we entered and knelt down to give my baby some love.

  "Hey Rex, hey boy, how you doing?"

  "He cried the whole first day he was here but Zeus and Xerxes have been keeping him busy so he finally settled in." Mom bent to kiss my head as she went towards the kitchen.

  I roughhoused with my dog just happy as shit that he still remembered me and wasn't mad at me for deserting him. I followed the family into the kitchen where mom had a spread going on, she'd made my favorite, lasagna with Parmesan garlic bread. My stomach growled and my mouth watered, I felt hunger for the first time in days. No one mentioned the fuckery that was my life as we gathered around the kitchen table eating, but every once in a while I would catch Brian looking at me. The last time I looked he inclined his head towards the back yard. Alrighty then.

  "Mom this is amazing thanks, thank all of you for being here it really means a lot to me."

  My family lived close to each other all within an hour of here but they all had their own lives. Brian ran the construction side of the family bizz, Derrick was an Architect, Tiffany had her own designing company and Connie stayed home with my nephew Jonathan, before that she ran her own mechanic shop of all things. The fact that they were all here on a weeknight meant they had probably taken time off from their own lives to be here for me, and where was I? Hiding away like a jackass.

  I decided to put Brian out of his misery and followed him outside while mom and the girls cleared the dishes and cleaned up. I wasn't at all surprised when Derrick and pops followed us outside. It was powwow time.

  Chapter 7

  Brian started shit off. "So what the fuck Gage, what're we gonna do about this shit? Say the word and I'll have that fucker in traction..."

  I would laugh if I didn't know how serious he was. Brian was a big softie, but when shit was real big bro was a beast.

  "Brian..."

  "Fuck that shit dad, this is my little brother, no one fucks with him and live."

  "Yeah but Brian we need to keep a cool head here, we can't rush into anything. First things first Gage how much do you know about the situation?"

  That was Derrick, always the cool one; Okay we're gonna do this now. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself. I didn't think this shit would be this hard, damn. Shit is whacked.

  "All I know is what she told me, which wasn't much." I felt that bitter taste of bile in my throat again just thinking about it.

  "It was right after we left the stage at the awards show, I don't know, maybe someone called and gave her a heads up about the pictures cause she told me they caught them kissing."

  "What, that's the first time and that's all she said?

  "Yeah Derrick that's it. Needless to say I lost my shit right then and there took everything in me not to fuck the whole place up." I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

  "Well the first thing we need to do is see what the fuck is being said, you can't fight this shit if you don't know what you're up against. You know these fucks better than we do you deal with them everyday. I know some of this shit is fabricated but we need to figure out what's real and what's not. Have you been watching the news at all?"

  "No Brian...well I saw the pics on the web but that's as far as I've gone."

  "Well gear up brother cause we're going swimming through this whole pile of shit, you'll know what's real and what's not, then we can go from there."

  "How the fuck will I know? I slept next to the woman and didn't know she was fucking another man's dick." Shit I think I'm going to be sick, my fucking heart was doing that thing where it tried to climb out my mouth again.

  "Gage son, you don't know that that's what happened..."

  "Dad what the fuck...Have you seen those motherfucking pictures? Dude was all over her ass, that did not look like a one-time thing to me or whatever the fuck she said in her weak ass attempt at an apology. And who gives a fuck SHE FUCKING CHEATED ON ME." Alright then, I could see where maybe I had some issues with anger but who could fucking blame me, I mean WHAT THE FUCK?

  Chapter 8

  So I spent the next few hours in my private study going through the headlines and Tumblr and all that other shit. And let me tell you, some of this shit made me postal as fuck. I opted to do this shit alone because seriously, I had no idea how I was going to react to any of this shit. Did my family actually see this shit? This shit was whacked.

  What the fuck was a moving truck doing on my property? She didn't have anything left to move, I destroyed all her shit, the only thing left at my place were my clothes and furniture and some art work and I know that bitch wasn't crazy enough to take my shit. I had broken the piano and guitars she bought me into kindling, fuck her.

  I read some of the fan sites cause let's face it, sometimes these fuckers knew more about what the fuck was going on than anyone else. Then I came across something that really made me lose my shit and before I knew what was going on my dad and brothers were holding me down. What the fuck?

  "Calm down Gage." Brian.

  "Come on Gage, deep breaths." Derrick.

  "Son come on let's get out of here, maybe you shouldn't do this now, save it for later"

  "Dad, she...she, dad." I couldn't fucking breathe, there was a vise grip on my heart and all I could do was point to the desktop computer while gasping for breath. Derrick and Brian ran over to see what I was talking about.

  "What is it son?"

  "She's, she's, in an abandoned building, she's fucking him in an abandoned building like a street rat."

  "No Gage, it's not what it looks like, it's not what you think man it's a gif." Brian came over to us.

  "What the fuck Brian, what does that mean, how is this shit a gift?"

  I was ready to tear his motherfucking head off for saying some stupid shit like that to me.

  "No not gift Gif, G.I.F"

  " WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?" That's it I was totally gone, I needed a drink in the worst motherfucking way, fuck this shit.

  "It's animation, where they take a still photo and make it do all kinds of crazy shit."

  "So she's not fucking him there?"

  "No man, it's just someone's idea of a sick joke."

  "Who the fuck does that shit?"

  "Gage did you notice that they're fully clothed?"

  "Derrick who the fuck has time to notice that shit? All I saw was him humping back and forth behind her." That shit still made me sick to my stomach no matter what Brian said.

  "And why the fuck would someone do this shit? Are these fuckers trying to make me lose my shit? What kind of fans are these anyway do they even stop to think how seeing this shit would make me feel?"

  "Okay bro it's not about that, you can't let what people say influence you like that. You have to decide for yourself what's best for you. We only told you to read this shit so you could see what's out there, but as for how it makes you feel, you have to sift through the bullshit and get to the truth, and I know you don't want to hear this shit right now, but eventually you're gonna have to talk to her, the sooner the better." The whole room went deathly still.

  Well fuck me. No.

  Chapter 9

  "I can't talk to her Brian, not now not ever."

  "Gage, son, you know that's not reasonable, if you ever want to move forward you're going to have to deal with her at some point."


  "Dad..."

  "No son hear me out, I'm just looking out for your best interest here. You know how we are, you know our legacy, and you know what she is to you."

  "Dad what the fuck are you saying are you saying I have to forgive and forget, I have to let this shit go? Go on like this shit never happened?"

  "Of course that's not what I'm saying, but I am telling you to give yourself time, think this thing through and don't make any rash decisions. This is your life we're talking about here son."

  I really didn't want to hear this shit right now. I knew what he was getting at, but I just couldn't, I couldn't deal. I just wanted to go back to a little over a week ago when things were damn near perfect. What the fuck happened to my life? Now that my head was a little clearer than it has been for the past few days, things weren't adding up for me. This person, this girl in the news headlines with a married father of two was not the girl I knew. My Suzette would never do such a thing it just wasn't in her. So what the fuck happened what could've possibly transpired between the two of them? I wanted to know every minute detail and yet I didn't want to know. Conundrum. Fuck me.

  "Dad don't you understand? I can't see her right now; I'm not in my right mind for this. When she told me she kissed him I wanted to spit in her face and slam her head into the fucking wall in front of all those people. Now the papers are saying she fucked him, and that bullshit apology...she fucked him dad, my Suzette fucked a fifty-year-old man with a wife and kids, obviously she wasn't happy with me but why couldn't she just tell me? That day before the awards show we were home together just like any other day, playing with Rex, going for a swim, I made love to her dad, and all the while she knew she had fucked him. How can I live with that?"

  The look on my dad's face alone was enough to make me want to find that fuck Terry Poole and fuck his shit up. I never stopped to think how my agony was affecting my loved ones, especially mom and dad, but being here with them, I could see it. They were hurting, not just because they had loved her, but because I was hurting. I guess no matter how old a kid was he was still your kid. My dad was definitely hurting for me and that shit was not cool.

  There was a knock on the door before the women invaded. I was wondering how long it would take them to make an appearance it wasn't like the women in this family to take a backseat.

  "Okay guys you've had him long enough, now it's our turn. They all made themselves comfortable around the room. Mom and dad took the leather couch, sitting as close together as possible. Brian took one of the side chairs with Connie on his lap, while Derrick and Tiffany took the same position in the matching chair.

  In that moment I couldn't help thinking about how things use to be whenever Suzette and I would come home for a visit, which was pretty often. We would all sit around together like this, except I usually had her in my lap then too. It was going to be hard not being part of a couple anymore, we'd spent almost everyday together except when we were working, which we had both decided early on we would only work locally unless one of us was on a break and was able to follow the other on location. It had worked out well until this last show of hers. The one where she met that piece of shit Poole.

  Why the fuck couldn't I go ten minutes without thinking about her would I ever have peace of mind again? Fuck my life.

  "So here's the plan." Connie's twang drew me out of my misery.

  "We call Suzette up to meet, I'm thinking Tiffany should do it since she trusts you, and then I ambush the bitch in a dark alley somewhere and beat the shit out of her..."

  "Connie..." Mom admonished.

  "What? It's not like you're not all thinking the same thing." she rolled her eyes around the room. I'm not sure I liked hearing that, as much as I wanted to dig into Suzette I didn't want anyone else fucking with her.

  "That maybe but we're not animals, we're civilized, rational people and we will deal with this as such. Now Gage it's up to you how you want to handle this, we'll support you in whatever way you need. You should know that I already spoke to Bess and she's taken care of the house. Yes she told me about the mess you made there."

  I had a sheepish look on my face; yeah I'd almost forgotten about that, I'll have to give Bess some kind of bonus for taking care of that shit. Speaking of which...

  "Don't worry about her and Sanchez, they're already taken care of. I gave them both a month off with pay. Bess insists on going by the house at least once a week for the upkeep, and I figured the grounds could go a month without suffering. Maddox security already has a few men there they already had a run in with the paparazzi so we'll just leave them there for now. All you have to do is concentrate on you, focus on your needs."

  Leave it to mom to handle shit.

  "Next order of business Jane; do you want to make a statement, do you want to let it all blow over on its own, what do you want?"

  "Mom, I don't know what I want, I do know I don't want to make any statements, although that crap about me wanting to meet that fucker for a man to man sit down makes me want to say something. Why would I want to see him? He's just as guilty as she is; why the fuck would I take his word for anything? The only reason I would want to see that asshole would be to put a cap in his ass."

  " That could be arranged..."

  "Brian." Mom sighed.

  "I'm just saying James is on standby for whatever."

  Oh fuck, James Dupree was head of Maddox security, him and his wife Amanda were fucking walking weapons, I wouldn't wish those two on my worst enemy, well maybe Poole...no I want to take care of that fuck myself.

  "We'll have none of that, let's not forget none of us knows what really happened yet, including you Gage."

  "Linda there are pictures..."

  "Oh Connie don't be so naive, you and I both know that with today's technology you can make anything look real. People have been doing it for years."

  "Mom, she made a statement, a public apology."

  "Did she Tiffany? Did you see Suzette stand in front of a microphone and say those words?"

  "So what are you saying?" I asked, this whole thing was giving me a headache.

  "I'm not saying anything son, I'm just suggesting that we all stay calm and look at this thing from all angles. Let's not let anger rule the day. We need to bring Suzette to the compound..."

  "No, no fucking way, you bring that bitch here and I'm leaving."

  "Gage Michael Maddox, this is not the man I raised you to be, I did not teach you to run from your problems, shame on you. No one is saying that you have to get back together with her or even that you have to forgive her, but the least you can do for yourself if not for her is to hear her out. Do you think I want this for you? If she's guilty of this I want to burn her at the stake. As your mother that's my prerogative to feel that way, but as a woman I say hear her out."

  Everything she was saying made perfect sense but I just didn't know if I could do it. It was too soon. Too new, I was still too raw. I needed an outlet for my pain I didn't think I could stand to hear her say the words. Just the kissing thing almost killed me if she told me she fucked him it would end me.

  So what did that mean? Did that mean I still cared for her could I get past this shit? I didn't know. I did know my family was right. I was going to have to see her eventually; we had a movie premier in a month and a half. Fuck my life.

  Chapter 10

  "Suzette Melissa Sorenson what have you done?" I walked through the doors of my family home and this was the greeting from my dad.

  "Dad..."

  My next memory after his eloquent greeting is awakening on the couch with a spinning head and a racing heart. I had spent days trying to out maneuver the paparazzi so I could get home to the security of my dad's arms after the hell that had become my life. As my dad crouched down next to me with that familiar look of love and concern puckering his brow, I felt the floodgates open up and I cried. I cried for my broken heart, I cried for the piece of me that was now missing, a piece that I wasn't sure I would ever have again. For the fir
st time in my life I felt despair. Who knew the human body could withhold such torment? How strong was the mind that it could withstand that agony and not break? Well I was sure mine didn't have too far to go before that happy occurrence.

  "Suzie, hon I'm sorry, come on sit up here and drink some water." My dad in his comfortable flannels and khakis was just what I needed. Such a stark contrast from my life of glamour, my laid-back camera shy dad.

  I lifted myself up on an elbow as he held the glass to my lips, I could barely take a sip of water since food had been my enemy for the last eight days. I must've lost ten pounds already, pounds that I couldn't afford to lose but who cared about that now, who cared what I looked like when my life had fallen apart when what I loved the most in this world had been ripped away from me? And the screwed up thing about it is that I have no idea what the hell happened.

  "Well are you ready to talk now or do you need more time?" That's my dad the no nonsense cop he would coddle me yes, but he would demand his answers.

  "Dad." And the water works started again, why couldn't I get the words out of my mouth? This is why I was here after all, for his comfort and understanding, but where did I begin?

  "Dad, I don't know what happened." Was that my voice sounding so little and broken?

  "What do you mean Suzette? You're all over the news, you and Gage and that, that Terry character, what were you thinking or were you thinking at all?" Although the words stung, there was no heat to them as I knew there wouldn't be, no matter what I knew there was at least one person on this earth who wouldn't judge me and that was my dad. He had always been my rock, the one I looked up to, until my Gage. Oh gosh my Gage, would he ever be that again? I don't think I could live in a world with him without being with him. He was my other half, my better half, how could I have been so stupid, so naïve? How could one momentary lapse in judgment destroy so many lives? I wish I had the strength to take my own life but I was too much the coward for that, so instead I came here to hide away and lick my wounds, heartsick and soul weary.