His Holiday Gift Read online

  I caught my breath at her question, how did she...? No way, she couldn’t possibly. I got that strange feeling that has been with me for the last few weeks.

  "Who?"

  "Christina."

  "Mom?" My head was swimming and I had a quick case of vertigo for a second.

  "I know you son. I've known for a long time that something was missing from your life, it just took me a while to figure it out. I traced it back to that summer. I'm so sorry sweetheart."

  "It's not your fault." Could it really have been that obvious to someone else?

  "I know, it was her dad, he was such a...but you kids were so young too, so I can't really blame him. I just wish our decisions didn't make you so sad and alone."

  "Mom you're freaking me out here, I didn't even know that that's what it was until lately."

  "Of course hon, you're a male." She laughed, her sweet tinkering bell laugh and I felt lighter, the way I use to as a kid when she would tell me that everything was going to be okay no matter what was wrong in my world at the time.

  "I don't know what to say. I can't find her mom, I've been searching for weeks and nothing." I felt good to finally share that with someone. She was someone who loved me, but even more importantly, someone who had known that sweet girl all those years ago as well.

  “I feel like I’m losing my mind mom. I’ve searched using the information I remembered from when we were kids.” It was only now as I was saying this out loud, that I realized how incongruous that was.

  That after all these years I should remember everything she’d told me about her young life, when I couldn’t remember half of what my last girlfriend had shared.

  Was mom right, had I been walking around a shell of myself all these years since I last saw her? Was she the cause of my callous way with relationships?

  No wonder I always felt detached from anyone else. I noticed that mom was saying anything, which was unusual for her, unless she was giving one of us time to come to the right conclusion, which was usually hers.

  “Oh fu…I mean, mom, I think I’m in love with her memory, with her. What if I can’t find her?

  "You'll get your girl Julian, just have faith." There were tears in her voice and I felt the wetness in my own eyes. I think my heart was breaking for that lost love. For that beautiful that was destroyed before it had a chance to grow, to see light.

  We may have been young then, but somehow the man that I am today, knew that whatever that was back then, was real. But was I too late? I felt sick panic crawl into my gut. Something I’m not too familiar with, since I’d been raised to take life by the balls.

  "How can you be so sure? I'm not even sure any more. I don't even know what I'm doing here. I just had this wild hair that she would show up or something. Like one of those stupid Hallmark movies."

  "Don't lose hope now Julian, if she's for you you'll find her. Remind me one day to tell you about a talk we had your Christina and I."

  Chapter 5

  That tone in her voice held such promise that it made my heart leap. "You talked to Christina?"

  "It was a long time ago son, one of those summers we spent up there. Leave it for now it'll keep. I'll pray for you two, you just keep hoping and believing, and we'll see what we see."

  We chatted for a few minutes more before she had to go. Tomorrow was Xmas and she would be busy in the kitchen all night.

  After the round of goodbyes and well wishes with the rest of my family, I went through the cupboards and the refrigerator to see what goodies mom had stocked.

  She wasn’t lying; there was enough food to feed an army. One look at all the neatly wrapped deli meat choices had my mouth watering for a turkey and Swiss on rye.

  I made my sandwich and chose juice instead of one of the imported beers that I usually liked. I wanted to keep my wits about me tonight, wanted everything to be clear.

  Sitting at the kitchen -island looking out at the snow as it fell, all I could think, was that I can't believe mom knew, and wonder if the others knew too?

  No, I don’t think so, that was just mom’s way. It’s how she kept on top of us kids all our lives, by being observant.

  I wanted to know about this talk she’d had with Christina. What had they talked about? And what did it have to do with now?

  After my little snack I cleaned up and went to look around the rest of the chalet. It had been a whole lot of years since I’d been up here. Mom and dad had visited a time or two while I was in college I think, but I’d never been back since that last summer.

  I wonder if that was part of my problem now, the fact that I was basically banished from one of the places I loved most as a kid; the place where I now believe I’d lost my heart.

  Now I’m being fanciful, Mr. Logical, the guy who dealt in numbers and statistics.

  I puttered around getting reacquainted with the place. Everywhere I looked brought back memories. Things that were long forgotten were now clear, with each attached memory right at the forefront.

  Out the back window I could see the bare branches of the trees that lined the path Christina and I would take almost everyday to go digging in the woods when we were younger, now covered with ice.

  The memory of her infectious smile made my heart hurt, and that shy laugh that use to light up her whole face.

  "Dammit Christina where are you?" I realize how improbable it is for a grown man to expect a Xmas miracle.

  I'd stopped believing in those things a long time ago, but somehow this season, I wanted to believe.

  I felt anger and pain and, desperation. I had no idea what was going on, why the sudden urge to find her. But I knew if I didn't my life would never be the same again.

  I stoked the fire, made hot chocolate, did every, and anything so as not to go to bed. I turned on the radio because the music that had tormented me on the drive up now seemed like the best thing.

  I watched the lights on the tree as they twinkled on and off until I found myself timing them. Outside the wind picked up and knocked against the windows as snow continued to fall.

  In the end, fatigue dragged me down and I stretched out on the plush couch in the living room instead of going up to my old room to bed.

  The place and been cleaned from top to bottom, and it looked and felt as if we'd been coming here all along.

  It was hard to imagine that no one had been in this place in years as I pulled nana's old afghan over my shoulders, and with the fireplace burning bright, lights twinkling on the tree, and Bing Crosby crooning in the background, I fell asleep to dreams of her.

  Chapter 6

  The loud sound startled me awake. My feet were on the floor before I even knew I was moving. Shoving my feet into my boots that were lying next to the couch, I walked to the window and looked out.

  I could hardly see out the window because of the thick blanket of smoke that was now coming down even harder than it was earlier.

  Getting as close to the glass pane as I could, I peered out into the night and there it was.

  "Shit." Someone had run off the road, no wonder in this mess. I grabbed my jacket and ran outside. There was no one else around for miles.

  As far as I could tell, this person and I were the only ones dumb enough to brave the weather to get up here. It was called a summer spot for a reason I guess.

  I tromped through the snow holding my jacket closed and blowing on my hands. The temperature had dropped drastically, which was to be expected this high up.

  The car, if you could call it that, was tilted slightly to the right, with the front smashed into a huge oak.

  Whoever this was, if they weren’t too badly hurt, weren't going anywhere tonight, not in that at least. It looked to have been a wreck even before the date with the tree.

  "Hello, can you hear me?" There was no movement coming from inside and with the snow coming down so fast and furious, it was hard to see into the darkened interior.

  I pulled on the door handle, which of course was locked. "Shit I should've gr
abbed a flashlight." Oh well, it was too late to go back now, who knows what kind of medical help this person was going to need.

  Speaking of which, I hope there was still reception on my phone with all this snow and wind. I battled the snow and that wind now as I pounded on the window.

  "Hello in there, if you can hear me just flip the lock." Still nothing. I thought I heard a groan but that could've been the wind.

  I tried the back door and got my first break. Leaning in and around I unlocked the driver's side door before hopping out again.

  The person's head was on the steering wheel, looked like they'd been knocked unconscious from the impact.

  Must be a girl, or a very young boy. The frame, what I could make out under the mountain of outer clothing, seemed small, and the hand gripping the wheel was fine boned and pale.

  Being as careful as I could, I leaned her back. The first thing I noticed was the blood at her temple. And then I saw her face.

  "Oh shit..." I wish there was some way to capture and hold for posterity, the gamut of feelings that ran through me in that moment.

  Disbelief, joy, wonder, fear, but most of all, love. That was a new one, but it was the most prevalent of them all. I pulled her head to my chest, frozen in place and thought.

  The biting cold snapped me out of it and I started trying to find a way to get her out without jarring her too much.

  Every once in a while I’d look at her face, not quite believing she was here, and so beautiful. I think her face, pale in repose, will stay etched in my mind for the rest of my life.

  It can’t be real, could it? “Baby?” I held her against me as I struggled with the seatbelt. My every move and thought seemed to be in slow motion.

  I needed to find out just how hurt she was from that bump on her head, but one thing kept me calm when panic threatened to overtake me.

  There’s no way that my dreams would’ve led me back to her, only to take her away from me. Not unless the aim was to make me lose my fucking mind.

  “Baby can you hear me?”

  Chapter 7

  "Julian."

  I looked down at the softly spoken word, but her eyes were still closed. That was more heart rending than anything else I could think of.

  "You remember." I whispered the words almost reverently and couldn’t resist the soft kiss I placed on her cold lips, before lifting her carefully from the car.

  She didn't seem to be hurt anywhere else except the cut on her head, at least to my inexperienced eyes her limbs didn’t seem to be in any distress.

  Folding her carefully into my chest to keep her safe from the elements, I said a silent prayer of thanks. This was really happening, it wasn’t a dream, at least I hope not.

  The feel of the cold snow hitting me in the face assure me that I was very much awake and was holding the precious girl in my arms.

  With my heart full, I trudged through the snow with my bundle in my arms. I wanted to scream and shout, dance in the snow. Call everyone and tell them that dreams were real.

  I had the dumbest grin on my face as I made my way back to the chalet. I'll do all of that later, right now I had to get my Xmas miracle to wake up.

  I didn't know it would feel like this. What I expected I don't know, but I certainly hadn't expected this feeling of possessiveness and warmth, and the whole slew of emotions that I'd never felt before.

  There were tears gathered in the corners of my eyes as I finally breached the door and took my precious cargo over to the couch.

  I don’t know how long I knelt there at her side, just taking her in. I was afraid to blink, or do anything else lest she disappear.

  “Are you going to wake up for me baby?” I rubbed some heat into her hands before turning to the old worn boots and removing them from her cold feet.

  I don’t know why the sight of the scuffed shoes with holes in the bottoms should piss me off, but they did. I looked at her face and felt a pang in my chest.

  First the broken down car that had to be older than either of us, and now this. It told a tale that I didn’t like, but I had to put that off along with the million and one questions I had to ask her.

  "Let's just get you out of these wet things love." We were both soaked clear through by the heavy snow, and I was starting to feel the affects.

  I was just a little worried about the bump on her head but her breathing was even and her color wasn't off except from the cold.

  I was as gentle as I could be as I removed her coat. She was bundled in a mountain of clothes, at least two sweaters and jeans.

  I eased off her socks next to make sure her feet were dry. When I was through removing her clothes down to one sweater and one pair of jeans, I left her long enough to stoke the fire and turn up the thermostat, before returning to her.

  Looking down at her I could finally see that beautiful face that had been haunting me for the past few weeks.

  She was still the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen in my life; only this was no girl lying here. The twin mounds under her sweater showed her to be all woman.

  Fuck Cavanaugh, she's hurt and you're getting a boner? I went to get a wet cloth in the bathroom to tend her, castigating myself the whole way for my unruly thoughts and misbehaving body.

  I knelt down beside her and tried to coax her awake, wiping the blood from her temple gently, as I held her head in my hand.

  I removed the cap from her hair and felt my breath hitch as the waterfall of dark silk fell over my hands. “Oh baby.” Fuck she was gorgeous, even more so than I remembered.

  "Julian." Again my eyes jumped to hers but they were still closed. Why did she keep sighing my name like that? Had she been coming here to find me? Was it at all possible that she had been dreaming the same way I had?

  "I'm right here Christina, open your eyes and see me. Come on sweetheart open them." I dried her hair in between stealing kisses and warming up her lips that were no longer looking blue.

  “Come on sweetheart, open those eyes, I need to see you.”

  They flew open and right into mine. I took the punch to the gut. Sweet fuck I don't remember her eyes being that gorgeous.

  "Hello baby, welcome home."

  Chapter 8

  Her eyes welled up with tears and she tried to sit up. "No baby stay there I need to have a look at your head."

  "Is it really you?" Her voice was soft and shaky as she reached out her hand for my cheek.

  "Yes baby, it's me." I kissed her palm while my heart raced and my head swam. It all came flooding back, all those summers spent together, up until the last one when we'd fallen in love.

  Nothing had changed I still wanted her, only now instead of the lust of a teenaged boy I felt the yearning of a man. "Don't cry sweet girl it's gonna be okay."

  "I looked for you Julian, I searched and searched but I couldn't find you. Where did you go?" She’d been searching for me?

  I wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse, knowing that she’d been looking for me. From the looks of things, life hadn’t been as kind to her as it would’ve been had she been with me.

  That pissed me the fuck off, but I wasn’t going to rush to any judgments I’ll just wait and see.

  She on the other hand, seemed upset and I couldn't blame her. After they'd torn us apart, the only way I could deal with the lost was to shut off all thoughts of her.

  I'd had to put her out of my mind lest I go insane. I felt the old anger rise up again, but I'll have to deal with that later. Right now she needed answers and she needed tending.

  "I went away to school, after...after what happened that summer I had a really hard time letting go, so my parents thought it was best to send me to my dad's family in England. That's where I was until two years ago."

  "You forgot me?" Fuck she sounded so hurt all I wanted to do was grab her and hold on tight; remove that look of pain from her beautiful eyes.

  "No Christina I didn't forget you, I just couldn't think about you anymore because it hurt too much. Your dad made
it very clear what would happen if I tried to see you..."

  "You should've tried, you just left me...you promised..." Her little fist hit my chest over and over until I had no choice but to fold her into me to keep her from hurting herself.

  "I'm sorry love, I'm so sorry I had no idea you were looking for me, had I known I would've come back when you turned eighteen."

  She leaned back and studied me with her tear stained face.

  "Why?"

  "Why? So I could claim you."

  Chapter 9

  My words made her cry harder, so I held her closer as harsh sobs wracked her body. My mind was numb. I didn’t want to think of what had happened to her in the last eleven years while I wasn’t there.

  I cleaned the wound on her head the best way I could, with her clinging onto me. When I was finished I kissed her hair and moved her head back slightly from my chest.

  “Tell me.” I wasn’t sure what I was asking for, her life story, or her reason for being here now. Whichever, I wasn’t about to rush her.

  Her tummy made a very unladylike sound that embarrassed her. I ignored her red face as I let her go long enough to grab the afghan from the arm of the couch where I’d left it.

  Wrapping her up tight, I picked her up and took her into the kitchen. Sitting her on a stool, I put on the water to make her some hot chocolate, and then got out the makings for a sandwich.

  I wasn’t sure of her condition, like when was the last time she’d eaten, or now long she’d been on the road trying to get to me. She was thin, but that could be by choice, and other than that, I didn’t notice anything else that sent up any red flags.

  I waited for her to start the conversation as her eyes followed me around the kitchen, but she seemed reluctant. I really didn’t care about yesterday, I was really only interested in now, and the fact that she was here.

  “Do you want mayo or mustard baby?”

  “Yes please.” She was embarrassed and I noticed tears falling from her eyes again. It was too much, with the soft Xmas music still piping through the room, the lights from mom’s tree reflected in the glass in the kitchen window and the warmth of our own little hideaway.